Risk

Rachel Anne at Home Sanctuary asked today if you have ever had to risk starting over on something. For a perfectionist like me, admitting that I goofed up and need to start over is no easy feat. It doesn’t matter if it’s a burned dinner, humbling myself to seek forgiveness from a long-lost friend for my past sins, or admitting to my husband that he was right and I was wrong – I don’t do risk well. By God’s grace, I am learning to find the freedom He offers when I risk letting go of my own control mechanisms and step forward in faith. It’s a process. It helps to remember the big risks I have taken that were terrifying at the time but turned out to be good things.

I took a huge risk six years ago by leaving an abusive relationship and starting life anew. The first risk there was in admitting the relationship was toxic. Then there were the risks of leaving; starting over; reaching out to family and friends for help; admitting to others what had happened; telling my parents, “You were right about him.” I took many risks that year and in the first years after, some brave, some foolish. God saw me safely through all of them.

In 2007, I took the risk of starting over with my faith and my life (again) by re-committing myself to Christ. This felt risky because even though I longed to return home to Him, I didn’t think Christ or His people would accept me. After all, not only had I gloried in and flaunted my sinful lifestyle, I had renounced Christ. Returning to the fold felt like an enormous risk. What if He rejected me as I had rejected Him? In His infinite grace and mercy, He of course did not. I came willingly and humbly, and He restored me.

Not long after, I met a man. A good, godly, kind, funny, smart, hard-working, loyal man. The kind of man you marry. But I had just barely begun to get my life back on track. It would have been stupid to pursue a relationship with him, right? Well, probably, but I did it anyway. I did it prayerfully and with trepidation, but when I felt God’s leading through prayer and trusted friends, I did it. Marrying Chris is one of the best risks I have ever taken. I have learned much and experienced more joy and freedom than I ever knew possible.

“Predictability can become a god. You may be living your life more toward making it predictable than toward finding what God would have you to do. There may be a new life out there waiting for you if you are willing to take a risk… If you are living in fear, you are not living as God intended; He wants you free from fear. He wants to help you move from fear to fearless, willing to take risks with your life so you can feel what life can become. His love is so powerful that if you work through whatever keeps you from experiencing it, you can feel the safety you have been longing for and trying to create in your attempts to avoid risk.” – Stephen Arterburn, Healing is a Choice (emphases mine)