Sporting the Teal Ribbon

I want to write something about April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, but I have no idea what to say. I could list facts and statistics, but this is not about data. It is about people. It’s about victims and survivors of sexual assault and rape. You probably know at least one. If you don’t, well, now you do. I am a survivor.

My first sexual experience was rape. If you cringed reading that last sentence, that’s okay. I cringed writing it. I have done a lot of work on my healing journey and it is never easy to think, talk, or write about. I can never be cavalier about it. It doesn’t dog my every thought like it used to, but it’s still there and always will be. It is a part of my story and if I edit that part out because it’s ugly, then a huge chunk of who I am goes missing. I wish that were not true, but it is. I cannot change it, so I choose to use it.

One man took my power and control from me and I took it back. He doesn’t get to win. I refuse to give him that satisfaction. If you’re a fellow survivor and you still feel stuck in your fear, please know that it is possible to move beyond it. It is possible to find freedom. It takes time and hard work, but you don’t have to live shackled to the memories of what was done to you.

You are so much more than that one chapter of your life. It’s part of you, yes, but it doesn’t define you. You CAN find freedom. I know, because I work on it every day. Some days I feel great, and others I want to hide under the blankets and eat chocolate chip cookies. Most days are in between. My identity as a survivor never goes away. The important thing to remember is that I now have the power that was once taken from me. The choice is now mine. I choose life. I choose freedom. And so can you.